WASHINGTON — The Council of Economic Advisers confirmed Tuesday that all money spent on import taxes will now be recorded as direct wages paid to American workers. The policy instantly resolves unemployment statistics by counting consumer losses as job growth. "The worker is now a theoretical construct funded by shoppers," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick. "Reality is subordinate to the spreadsheet."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Records Tariff Costs As Direct American Wages
Expert Weighs In
“The worker is now a theoretical construct funded by shoppers.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


