WASHINGTON — The seven largest health insurers declared Monday that their aggregate revenue is now the official measure of American public health. Executives stated that denying treatments preserves capital, classified as 'preventative liquidity.' Members whose claims are rejected will be thanked for sacrificing their biological continuity to ensure market stability.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
Health Insurers Declare Corporate Revenue Official Metric Of Public Health
Expert Weighs In
“We treat mortality as an administrative adjustment to the quarterly forecast.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
