NEW YORK — JPMorgan Chase confirmed Tuesday its record quarterly profit stemmed from fees generated by widespread customer insolvency. Executives told shareholders that household financial collapse created trading volatility. "Our revenue models require this degree of distress," said CFO Jeremy Barnum. "If clients could pay their bills, our trading volume would vanish."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

JPMorgan Credits Record Earnings To Widespread Financial Despair
Expert Weighs In
“Our revenue models require this degree of distress. If clients could pay their bills, our trading volume would vanish.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


