CHICAGO — Apex Senior Care confirmed this week that members seeking rehabilitative services must submit a return-on-investment proposal outlining how recovery will benefit quarterly earnings. Procedures lacking clear monetization pathways, such as basic mobility, will be classified as 'personal hobbies.' "We're running a portfolio, not a charity," said Medical Officer Gary Linden. "If you can't walk to the bank, can you walk?"
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Medicare Advantage Provider Requires ROI Proposal Before Approving Rehab Care
Expert Weighs In
“We're running a portfolio, not a charity. If you can't walk to the bank, can you walk?”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


