WASHINGTON — The Defense Department confirmed Wednesday that recent missile exchanges were scheduled to boost defense contractor stock values before quarterly earnings reports. Officials noted the bombardment was necessary to stabilize projections. "We needed a spike in volatility before the bell," said Defense Comptroller Alan Sterris. "It was fire the missiles or miss the target price."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
Pentagon Timed Gulf Strikes To Coincide With Raytheon Earnings Call
Expert Weighs In
“We needed a spike in volatility before the bell. It was fire the missiles or miss the target price.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
