WASHINGTON — The Department of Justice stated Thursday that all incoming media questions directed at senior staff will now be categorized as attempted witness tampering under federal statute 18 U.S.C. § 1512. Officials said the reclassification streamlines compliance by treating journalists as potential accomplices awaiting indictment. Reporters noted subpoenas now arrive instead of press releases.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

DOJ Reclassifies Press Inquiries As Attempted Witness Tampering
Expert Weighs In
“We find it inefficient to distinguish between asking questions and obstructing justice.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


