WASHINGTON — The White House notified Ottawa Tuesday that continued existence requires a valid U.S. residency permit. Officials classified Canada as an unincorporated suburb dependent on American zoning laws. "They're squatting on our continent," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick. "We let them stay out of pity." Ottawa scrambled to calculate back rent for the last century.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Classifies Canada As Unincorporated Suburb Requiring Zoning Permit
Expert Weighs In
“We let them stay out of pity.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


