WASHINGTON — The Department of Justice confirmed Friday that all archived digital files related to Capitol attack prosecutions have been printed and shredded to serve as confetti for upcoming pardon ceremonies. Officials stated the paper mix offers a 'festive texture' that adequately celebrates the conclusion of legal proceedings for all involved parties.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

DOJ Announces Deleted Jan. 6 Records Shredded Into Confetti For Pardon Celebration
Expert Weighs In
“It turns a legal burden into a party favor.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


