WASHINGTON — Officials confirmed the U.S. will only ratify the ceasefire if Tehran issues a statement praising the President's genetic superiority. Secretary of State William Harlow stated the administration requires verification that Iranian leaders understand the deal is a favor to them. Talks stalled after Tehran refused to acknowledge the President's tan looks natural.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House: Iran Ceasefire Contingent On Written Praise Of President's Bone Structure
Expert Weighs In
“We need them to say he looks vibrant, not just healthy.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


