WASHINGTON — The Trump campaign confirmed Wednesday that Middle East strikes will be contingent on real-time approval ratings in Pennsylvania. Officials stated escalation protocols are now tied to voter sentiment models. A drone deployment was postponed Tuesday after focus groups in Maricopa County responded negatively to "kinetic action." Campaign manager Susie Wiles noted, "Casualties boost turnout."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Links Missile Authorization To Swing State Polling Data
Expert Weighs In
“Casualties boost turnout.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


