WASHINGTON — Sen. Lindsey Graham confirmed Wednesday that callers to his office hotline can now select Option 5 to authorize airstrikes on adversaries. The update places kinetic military action alongside casework inquiries. "Constituents preferred bundling regime change with pension checks," said Communications Director Alan Kress. Wait times for conflict authorization average four minutes.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Graham Adds Preemptive Strike Option To Constituent Hotline Menu
Expert Weighs In
“Constituents preferred bundling regime change with pension checks”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


