KYIV — Sovereignty concessions will be outlined on a standard NYC commercial lease agreement. Officials stated Crimea would be classified as 'common area' subject to maintenance fees. Requires a security deposit equivalent to three months' GDP. "We find the current borders lack adequate foot traffic for mixed-use development," said senior negotiator Alan Kershaw.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Kushner Presents Ukraine Ceasefire Terms On Standard Commercial Lease Form
Expert Weighs In
“We find the current borders lack adequate foot traffic for mixed-use development”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


