WASHINGTON — House Republicans confirmed the $70 billion Secure America Act will directly bribe undocumented immigrants to leave voluntarily before counting them as deported. Payouts exceed living wages to ensure rapid statistical success. DHS officials stated this guarantees quarterly targets are met without logistical friction. "The line item is 'Voluntary Exit,' but the ledger just says 'Success,'" said Budget Analyst Gary Toms.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

House Republicans Allocate $70bn Immigration Fund For Direct Deportation Bribes
Expert Weighs In
“The line item is 'Voluntary Exit,' but the ledger just says 'Success,'”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


