WASHINGTON — The SSA confirmed Tuesday that lobby wait times over two hours now count toward mandatory financial resilience training. Acting Commissioner Mary Bisignano stated the policy eliminates backlog by counting stagnation as curriculum. Applicants unable to stand are marked as fully certified. "We are delaying gratification for pedagogical effect," said Applicant Flow Control Gary Thorne.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

SSA Reclassifies Infinite Wait Times As Mandatory Financial Literacy Seminars
Expert Weighs In
“We are delaying gratification for pedagogical effect”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


