WASHINGTON — State Department officials confirmed Monday the U.S. and Iran signed a binding accord to maintain hostilities indefinitely, citing the fact that peace would void their hazard pay bonuses. Both nations will continue issuing condemnations during business hours. Senior negotiator Alan Kress said, "We looked at the peace terms, and the benefits package just isn't there."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

U.S., Iran Formalize 'Perpetual Near-Agreement' To Preserve Hazard Pay
Expert Weighs In
“We looked at the peace terms, and the benefits package just isn't there.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


