WASHINGTON — The DOJ confirmed the Federal Grievance Restitution Program, compensating citizens for distress caused by appearing on a potential subpoena list. Funds will be disbursed before evidence is reviewed. "We recognized that the anxiety of possibly breaking the law is itself a punishable offense by the state," said Acting Attorney General Paul Vance.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Unveils $1.7 Billion Restitution Fund For Individuals Who Were Almost Investigated
Expert Weighs In
“We recognized that the anxiety of possibly breaking the law is itself a punishable offense by the state”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


