Agriculture Department dissolved the Screwworm Eradication Program to expand the Livestock Loss Documentation Unit. Preventing infestations creates no billable incidents, while documenting rotting carcasses satisfies auditing requirements. Ranchers noted monitors were replaced by auditors carrying clipboards instead of traps. "We prefer to pay for verified corpses than hypothetical health," said Director Mark Henderson.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

USDA Reallocates Screwworm Prevention Funds To Claims Verification Division
Expert Weighs In
“We prefer to pay for verified corpses than hypothetical health”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


