WASHINGTON — The Department of Government Efficiency announced screwworm surveillance will now operate on a freemium model, requiring ranchers to subscribe to Tier 3 for actual parasite detection. Basic monitoring now covers only worms identified as high-value assets. "We found 80% of warnings were false positives," said DOGE liaison Gary Thorne. "The rest can wait for the business plan."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
DOGE Replaces Screwworm Monitoring With Premium Tier Alert System
Expert Weighs In
“We found 80% of warnings were false positives. The rest can wait for the business plan.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
