CHICAGO — The 12th District confirmed Monday it will no longer collect physical evidence, instead utilizing generative algorithms to construct probable cause narratives retrospectively. Detectives say the move eliminates inconsistencies found in reality. "Truth is just a variable we optimize," said Captain Roy Miller. Cases are now closed before crimes occur.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Precinct Announces Shift To Predictive Evidence Generation To Clear Backlog
Expert Weighs In
“Truth is just a variable we optimize”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


