WASHINGTON — HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. unveiled Tuesday a plan to distribute $700 million in addiction grants directly into collection plates, stating pharmaceuticals interfere with divine healing. The program eliminates medical providers for ushers. "Insurance codes don't apply to miracles," said HHS Deputy Director of Spiritual Compliance Martha Higgins.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

HHS Announces Addiction Grants Will Be Distributed As Cash Offerings During Service
Expert Weighs In
“Insurance codes don't apply to miracles”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


