WASHINGTON — Energy Secretary Chris Wright confirmed the Strait of Hormuz will reopen per its standard summer schedule, ignoring active naval blockades. Wright classified the warzone closure as a routine seasonal maintenance window. "Traffic normalizes when the weather breaks," said Energy Spokesperson Linda Merck. "We told them to reschedule the war for fall."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Energy Secretary Confirms Strait Of Hormuz To Resume Summer Season
Expert Weighs In
“We told them to reschedule the war for fall.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


