WASHINGTON — President Trump declared victory over inflation Thursday, explaining that the economic phenomenon has definitively ended because he has personally been feeling “much, much richer” since returning to the White House.

“Prices? I don’t see prices. I see winning,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office, gesturing toward a gold-plated barometer he claimed measures national economic sentiment exclusively through his own net worth. “Eggs, rent, gas—frankly, I don’t buy any of it. And if I’m not buying it, it doesn’t exist.”

The declaration came as the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported consumer prices had risen 4.1% over the past month, a figure Trump dismissed as “computer nonsense from the Biden deep-state calculators.”