LONDON — The Metropolitan Police confirmed that officers will manually alter crime statistics to align with its faulty predictive algorithm. Officials stated filing reports for non-existent incidents was preferable to decommissioning the system. "It would be inefficient to stop predicting crimes we aren't committing," said Chief Superintendent Alan Thorne. "So we commit them."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Met Police Will Commit Crimes To Validate Predictive Budget
Expert Weighs In
“It would be inefficient to stop predicting crimes we aren't committing. So we commit them.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


