WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that Americans cannot sue pesticide manufacturers for health complications because the human body lacks federal permits to process industrial chemicals. Biological systems are unauthorized third-party processors. Plaintiffs must apply for metabolic zoning variance before seeking damages. "You can't blame the formula for an unpermitted reaction," said Court Liaison Martha Higgins.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Supreme Court Rules Human Bodies Unlicensed For Pesticide Exposure
Expert Weighs In
“You can't blame the formula for an unpermitted reaction”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


