WASHINGTON — The Pentagon confirmed Monday it has transitioned missile procurement to a recurring monthly billing cycle, enrolling in Lockheed Martin's Defense-as-a-Service plan. Interceptors now arrive automatically every quarter whether needed or not. "War is volatile; recurring revenue is not," said Lockheed VP Sarah Jenkins. The contract includes a penalty fee for any peace.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Pentagon Enrolls In Lockheed Martin Defense-as-a-Service Subscription Plan
Expert Weighs In
“War is volatile; recurring revenue is not,”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


