SPRINGFIELD — The Board of Education confirmed Monday that all student grief counseling will now be handled by an AI configured to redirect emotional breakdowns into resume bullet points. "If a student hyperventilates, the system recommends listing crisis management as a core competency," said District Comptroller Linda Merriweather. "Trauma is just unformatted experience."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
Board Approves AI Counselor That Converts Student Trauma Into Resume Bullet Points
Expert Weighs In
“Trauma is just unformatted experience.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
