HAWTHORNE, CA — SpaceX confirmed Wednesday it will achieve compliance with sustainability standards by reclassifying Earth as a temporary launchpad exempt from ecological impact assessments. The company argues atmospheric pollution is irrelevant once orbit is achieved. "We are technically saving the environment by leaving it," said Chief Sustainability Officer Gavin Price.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

SpaceX Announces Plan To Meet ESG Goals By Excluding Earth From Environmental Calculations
Expert Weighs In
“We are technically saving the environment by leaving it,”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


