TIRANA — Kushner Companies filed amended zoning papers Wednesday designating all current demonstrators as non-removable shrubbery. Legal counsel stated the crowd density met requirements for ornamental greenery, exempting the site from public gathering ordinances. Residents were informed their presence now qualifies as property value enhancement.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Kushner Companies Reclassifies Albanian Protesters As Permanent Landscape Features
Expert Weighs In
“From a valuation standpoint, a screaming citizen is just noisy foliage.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


