WASHINGTON — The Pentagon confirmed missile targets will be selected based on their visual contrast against sunset backdrops for campaign materials. Pilots are instructed to circle until lighting is optimal, regardless of fuel costs. "We need explosions that pop on 4K screens," said Army Col. Robert Vance. "If the footage doesn't play in Peoria, we don't drop."
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
Pentagon Confirms Strike Targets Selected For Campaign Aesthetic
Expert Weighs In
“If the footage doesn't play in Peoria, we don't drop.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
