WASHINGTON — The White House physician released Tuesday the president's annual health summary, replacing standard vitals with a handicap index of 4.2 and a preference for well-done meat with ketchup. Congress agreed to accept the data for nuclear launch clearance. "A resting heart rate is abstract, but a double eagle is tangible governance," said Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Substitutes President's Vitals With Golf Handicap And Steak Doneness
Expert Weighs In
“A resting heart rate is abstract, but a double eagle is tangible governance”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


