WASHINGTON — The Defense Department confirmed Wednesday that operations resulting in decisive victory will be classified as unauthorized budget expenditures. Comptroller Ellen Strauss noted conclusive outcomes disrupt procurement cycles. "Winning is basically embezzlement at this point," Strauss said. Commanders received new directives ensuring no conflict concludes before fiscal year end.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Defense Department Reclassifies Winning As Fiscal Violation
Expert Weighs In
“Winning is basically embezzlement at this point”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


