NEW YORK — Columbia administrators confirmed Wednesday that all campus demonstrations will be categorized as 'heritage-based liturgical events' to qualify for the Antisemitism Relief Endowment. Dean Sheila Brenner noted the policy ensures dissent remains funded. 'We found that if you call a rally a prayer circle, the check clears,' Brenner said. Faculty must now submit placard designs for theological review before marching.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Columbia Reclassifies Protest Permitting As Religious Observance To Access Federal Grants
Expert Weighs In
“We found that if you call a rally a prayer circle, the check clears”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


