WASHINGTON — Justice Thomas unveiled a metric Tuesday treating citizenship as a depreciating asset whose worth declines with each new citizen added. The dissent argued unchecked accrual dilutes the shareholder value of existing nationals. Thomas suggested quarterly audits to adjust civil liberty payouts. "Diluting the stock hurts early investors more than new applicants," said Spokesman Gideon Marsh.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Justice Thomas Treats Citizenship As Depreciating Asset In New Dissent
Expert Weighs In
“Diluting the stock hurts early investors more than new applicants”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


