MOUNTAIN VIEW — Google HR confirmed Wednesday that unauthorized profit generation using proprietary server logs will now count toward quarterly performance reviews. The move formalizes a long-standing informal policy where engineers monetize access credentials. Legal counsel stated the activity aligns with core values of disruption. Employees may now list insider gains under 'Side Hustle Equity.'
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Google Reclassifies Insider Trading As Tier-3 Employee Perk
Expert Weighs In
“We don't punish initiative. If the data exists, why shouldn't the person touching it eat?”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


