WASHINGTON — The Trump administration announced a new security protocol requiring all cast ballots be shredded immediately upon receipt to eliminate risk of foreign interference. Officials stated that counting votes introduces vulnerability, whereas destruction guarantees purity. Legal experts warned this voids the election, but the DOJ confirmed no law prohibits securing democracy by eliminating it.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

White House Confirms Ballots Will Be Shredded Immediately To Prevent Foreign Tampering
Expert Weighs In
“"You can't hack a trash bin. It's the only foolproof system."”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


