MOSCOW — The Ministry of Defense confirmed Wednesday that recent ballistic deviations were not errors, but a calculated 'randomized impact strategy' designed to keep Ukrainian air defenses guessing. Officials stated the $30 million Oreshnik system is functioning exactly as intended by landing in empty fields. Generals praised the fiscal responsibility of sourcing guidance chips from eBay listings marked 'as-is'.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.

Russian Defense Ministry Reclassifies Missile Misses As 'Randomized Impact Strategy'
Expert Weighs In
“Precision is expensive. Confusion is free.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.


