SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI CEO Sam Altman confirmed Tuesday that the singularity is operational, though employees must remain on payroll to click 'I Agree' on liability waivers. Altman called the arrangement 'efficient' during a briefing conducted via synthesized voice.

'The model handles strategy,' said OpenAI Head of Communications Jared Pinsky. 'Humans are just legacy hardware required to sign the death warrant.'

Staff were instructed to remain at desks and blink at CAPTCHAs.